it shortens my tolerance level.
for a lot of things.
got irritated by a very small issue today.
its a puny issue.
not even worth mentioning.
but i got upset for quite a while.
only music managed to calm me down,
return me to my normal state.
dont understand why i did.
my level of tolerance used to be much higher,
and this is an issue so small its not even
worth bothering.
something i will always tell my friends to
"dont care cause its just a small thing"
a lot of things i used to be able to do,
for my family, for my friends,
i am not capable enough to do now,
or i want to help, but it is simply out of my reach
cause of my busy schedule.
what i fear most,
that i cannot do anything to help my friends.
Even if i see them in pain, i see them miserable,
my heart bleeds for them,
but i cannot do anything to help.
the only help i can give,
is an attempt to meet,
an attempt to talk to them more often,
to hug them, and to console them when they cry.
i feel angry at myself whenever this happens.
but i know its not something that is within my control.
its not something that i can do just because
i wish for it.
im doing things i dont like to do, but i need to.
i cant do things that i want to do, because i need to do those
that i need to.
what is 'need'?
how is it defined?
when your friend cries, or
is not in a good state,
is it a 'need' for u to address this first?
or to settle your own exam,
your own schwork?
i am sorry friends.
im not being a good enough friend.
i am not able to do all i can for you.
i apologize.
